Traitor

So those of you who do read my blog if you just happen to take a look because I never post anymore, this blog is for you. Haha
Although, I think all of you are pretty current as to what has been going on in my life so maybe this will just be boring to you. I do however have alot to blog about, however I do not feel like blogging about all of it. I will just get started and see how far it goes.

So last week I started seminary, which by the way was a huge blessing. I have been nervous and excited about the whole thing. I did have some new student issues to work through (i.e. getting registered for classes properly, getting my student id(which I have already lost and need to get a new one), buying my books, etc.) So far things are going ok with it, I did have a few obstacles but I am making through. I started out going to take Personal Spiritual Disciples and I even started reading for the class, but I had to make a switch at the last min. and now I am taking Systematic Theology 1. Which by the way is and awesome class. Oh and one of the people I went on summer project with her dad is my prof. Small world?! Anyways, I will admit that it is strange to go to a class where we pray before class and we open our bibles all included with information that I am interested in. It is way different than undergrad so far. I have to read alot but the thing is I want to read this information, so it does make it so bad. As far as other feelings about the class, I feel very unlearned. I feel somewhat out of place. Seminary is a culture shock to me. Alot of people who know alot about alot of things. ( i know there were alot of "alots" in that sentence). It is funny also that there tends to be name dropping. You know the type, "this professor, this", or "this professor, that". I have decided to do my best not to be a name dropper. These profs are great men to lookk up to, but they are just as human and fleshy as me. Anyways, I do like my class thus far.

I am also in the process of transitioning to a new facility with in the jewish system. I will be moving to the medical center that kirstin is working at. It is called Jewish Hospital Medical Center East. I am very excited to make the move, as it is very close to my home, kirstin and I both work there, and I will have a more opportunity to learn. I have been taking alot of flack at work about it. They have been calling me a "traitor". Oh well, all in good fun.

Ok...my wrist and fingers are starting to hurt...I think I will end this blog for now. I have no typing longevity. haha

You all have a great day.

Shaken tea

So I am not sure how I am going to start this blog off so maybe I should begin with the events of the day. I had today off from work, which was really nice! I slept in until 11am or so. When I sleep-in I usually do not sleep in that late. However, this week I will be working some third shifts so I am trying to get my body on that schedule a little more before I have to actually work. Once I got up from bed I bummed around a bit just doing small things, but really I didn’t do much. I did get into my bible and studied the first part of Philippians 3, which we studied last night in small group. I wanted to hit back on it again as well as write a little about it in this blog. It will help me meditate on it more and thus being able to focus my thought on things above.
Back to the event of the day before I get back into Philippians 3, after my pretty uneventful morning I got ready for my 3 o’clock interview at the University of Louisville Hospital for a full time CT position. I should know by the end of the week if I got the job. Anyways, once I got home my wife and I talked some and I read some article in a magazine and kirstin messed around on the computer. I took her to work and then went home to eat as I watched a episode of Extreme Home Makeover on the computer. Then I went out and brought kirstin some food to her at work. Followed by some good old exercising at the gym. Now I am at Starbucks drinking some wonderful tea, listening to some awesome music, and writing a blog.
I got their “shaken tea”, which I have never gotten before and let me tell you…IT IS AMAZING! Some of the best iced tea I have had. I am so glad that I found out about this creation because every time I come to Starbucks and get a coffee based drink I am usually disappointed, as I do not like strong coffee. All of Starbucks’ coffees are strong blends. So this usually leaves me with only a few options. Now I can add more items to my list of things I like at Starbucks.
It is interesting to come to Starbucks by the way. Because we are relatively close to the Seminary I usually see a lot of Southern Seminary students here reading/studying and socializing. Really, I think at the various Starbucks near the Seminary they are the most concentrated places to find students other than the actual school. Just something interesting I observe every time I come here. Also, the staff are really nice here like tonight I was given not just ONE free drink but TWO! Can you believe that? Awesome!
Anyways, I think I will stop talking about Starbucks since I have written almost as much on Starbucks as I did on the rest of my day. I will get back to Philippians 3. I want to add the scripture I was reading today but since I do not want to pay for the Internet here at Starbucks I think I will just type a section of it.

(2) Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutilators of the flesh. (3) For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh – (4) through I myself have reasons for such confidence. If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: (5) circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; (6) as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless. (7) But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. (8) What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ (9) and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ -- the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. (10) I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

The first thing that stands out is the instruction to “watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil”, but what really gets me is the reason Paul uses. It is the next verse that Paul makes a distinction between a christian and a non-christian. There is a sense of pride in identifying with Christ. It gives us the feeling that we are set apart for something different. In contrast to what we might be set apart for Paul writes that he had every reason to put his confidence in his flesh and not to believe in Christ. He was a Jewish stud. He was passionate, smart, born of the best blood line, and he followed the law to the T. In his day he was at the top of his game, with a brand new car, nice home, people liked him, he had valuables, he was looked at as someone to imitate, the grass was defiantly greener on his side of the fence. But Paul writes, “whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.” Isn’t that interesting, he understood that he was set apart of Christ. He had it ALL, but he considered it a “loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus”. Literly he lost it all. Paul was sitting in jail with no possessions, no nothing. Because of what?, because he identified with Christ and he understood that he was set apart to “glory in Christ Jesus”.
His sole desire was not doing the God things, but God Himself. I think the conviction behind Pauls words in verse 10 say it all. “I want to KNOW Christ”. I don’t know, Paul is one crazy dude and intense. I certainly hope that I can be just as crazy and intense. I think that Paul is still a stud, not because of all his fleshly qualifications but because he has ONE desire; Jesus Christ. Can you really count all of life’s stuff as a loss to knowing Christ? What a stud.

I certainly want verse 10 to be true of me.

“I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.”

Memorial Day Blog

So yesterday Kirstin and I went to the movie theater to watch the new Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian. I throughly enjoyed the movie. It was good not only for entertainment purposes but also for spiritual reasons. There were several lines in the movie that were very convicting. At one point I broke into tears not because of a sad scene or the expression of love between two lovers or the intense joy of character, but because the Lord reminded me of my relationship with Him. He reminded me of truths I so easily forget. Even the character development in each of the four kids portrayed aspects of my self as I have related to Christ. There were displays of ungodly pride and unbelief. There was scene where susan depicts the idea of getting comfortable back in england, just as I am so often comfortable with the worlds way of living. However, there were displays of lessons learned, courage, faith, and focus on the one who really takes helps us win our battles and not our selves. At times these things have been true of me and I long for a day where they are true of me again. Needless to say it was a good movie. I have never read the actual books, so kirstin and I started reading them together last night. I want to have the entire story not just the movie version.

In other information, kirstin has a few people interested in her night shift position so hopefully she will soon be able to move to a day shift. The new person would still have to get trained and all, but it would be nice have someone in place so we can get a date in place. Kirstin is really getting tired of working the night shift and it is really taking a toll on her body. Plus it would be nice to see each other more.

As far as jobs go I have an interview on tomorrow(Tuesday) for a full time CT Technologist position, first shift at the University of Louisville. For several reasons I want to land this job. 1-It is a first shift position. 2- It is full time job. 3- It is in CT (Advanced training). 4- There is probably no better place to learn this modality. However, the hospital is not somewhere I want to work. I do not like the facility at all and it seems really dirty. I am willing to forgo that concern to become a good CT technologist. So I am hoping I land this job.

Kirstin and I are moving on June 21. We are moving to a bigger apartment with-in the same apartment complex. It has a kitchen twice the size and storage as our current kitchen which I am super excited about. Also, it has a fire place and a much bigger deck than I current apt as well. However, the real reason we are moving is because my brother in law is coming to live with us so he can go to school down here. We need more space and we needed rooms on opposite sides of the apartment for privacy sake. Long story short...we are moving. Oh and I getting a grill for my birthday so I can enjoy the large patio with some awesome food!

You know there are so many things I want to blog about and I often tell kirstin that I want to blog about whatever it was we just experienced. However, most of the time I think about the blog in my head, but when it comes to writing it I just don't want to think about it anymore. So there are ALOT of blogs that have been written in my mind that you all never see. oh well. To bad I forget what most of them are or I would give you a snippet for the sake of having a laugh or two, but I just can't think of the anymore. Oh oh, I almost forgot I also this past week sent in my application to The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. We will see how that goes. I still have to get one letter sent out for a recommendation as well as request my transcripts to be sent to the school but other than that I have done most of the leg work needed to apply to school. Which by the way my last blog entry was something I had to write for the application. I just though I would make a blog of it just so you could have something to read because I blog so few and far between. Ok I think I am done for now.

Spiritual Autobiography

Spiritual Autobiography
My spiritual autobiography begins with one word: providence. Throughout my Christian life, I have always felt that I have been graciously chosen to serve the Father. It is clear to me that God had my story mapped out before I was born. Even my name, Joseph Martin, demonstrates His providence. Joseph means “increasing faith,” or “God will increase,” and Martin means “from another place or planet,” much like the word “mars” or “Martian.” I do believe that God is constantly increasing my faith—just as he did with Mary’s husband Joseph during the difficult circumstances they had with the Virgin birth. I also firmly believe that I have been made for a different place than this earth and that I am not to conform to the ways of this world but to anticipate the life I will live with with my Father in heaven.
I did not, however, always live with that mindset. From the beginning of my life, it seemed I was headed toward destruction. Born into a drug addict’s home, I had a few years with my biological parents; shortly thereafter, my father divorced and remarried. I continued to live with him and his second wife, but it was not much later until he went to jail for shoplifting and his second wife divorced him.
I was in second grade when I went to go live with my aunt in a small town. Things were going to be okay. I had a cousin my age to play with, and my aunt had a college education and a job to support my cousins and me. That only lasted four years, which took me to sixth grade. I was twelve when my aunt lost her job. She was worsening as an alcoholic and finally went into a mental health rehab facility. My cousins had a father to go to; I had no one left—or so it seemed, but God had a plan.
During the four-year period in which I lived with my aunt, I was introduced to church. A kid I did not like very well asked my cousin and me to go to Sunday school with him. It was a strange experience, but it was a place where my cousin and I found love and attention, so we continued to go. At the church we met a particular teacher and his wife and their three kids. Ironically, the three kids were the same kids my cousin and I used to throw snowballs at when walking home from school. One day, their mom had a talk with us, and she had her kids pray for us. Little did any of them know what God had in mind: it was this family that took me in after I had to leave my aunt’s house. They became my family. And because of their influence in my junior high and high school years, I came into contact with a real God and a real Jesus. I learned what it meant to become a real Christian—however, I did not become a Christian during this time. I wanted nothing but to be a part of the world and its idea of fun: drinking, smoking, sex, and etc. I remember times in which my youth pastor would walk in the front door of the house and I would walk out the back door—all so I did not have to talk to him. I still had much to learn.
During my senior year of high school, I went on a trip with Youth for Christ. After one of the group gatherings, we had a cabin discussion just before bed. At this time I confessed to my group, friends, and youth pastor that I would be willing to go to the lowest place in life if that is what it would take for me to follow Christ. It was the same year that I stayed up at night crying before God because He was calling me to follow Him and I just could not do it. My friends were way too important to me, and I could not give up my lifestyle. I told God, “No.”
My freshman year of college (about a year after the Youth for Christ trip) found me depressed and feeling lost. I had just gotten out of a really bad relationship, I was getting drunk all the time and I was experimenting with marijuana. I was at the lowest place of my life. I remembered that a classmate had invited me to Bible study one particular week and decided that I would go. It was during the closing prayer that I unexpectedly gave over my life to Jesus. I didn’t expect my response to the gospel! My life has been changed from that point on. It is because of Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection that I was instantly given a new life and new desires. Over the course of the next several years I plunged into the Christian life: leading small groups, attending prayer meetings, going to campus ministry events, sharing my faith with non-Christians, and discipling and encouraging other Christians to seek after God. I am a perfect picture of God’s grace and how He can work through anyone, no matter where they come from.
Since the very beginning of my conversion, I have felt a strong leading to do God’s work. It was about a year after becoming a Christian that God started stirring within me a desire to do full-time ministry. I developed a passion to see adult Christians being continually transformed by God. Seeing people’s lives transformed by the Gospel of Jesus brings abundant joy to my heart; that is why I am pursuing higher education at Seminary. I chose Southern because I learned of the quality of faculty. I feel very strongly that I have much to learn from these leaders. I want to develop deeper disciplines, while also learning ministry essentials. I believe an education at Southern Seminary will aid me as a man of God who will lead others in ministry. I trust God’s providential handiwork to continue to increase my faith as I follow in obedience to His commands, and I anticipate what God will do in and through me at Southern.

Winters, Yonkers, and Rousselle

I was reading one of the comments I made on one of my friends blog and the blog was about punctuation. Anyways, she is a little bit freakish about grammar. Which is ok by me, what ever floats her boat. Anyways, a long story short, My comment was only two or three sentence long and there were SO many mistakes in it. I bet she was feeling nausea just looking at my post. I am completely horrible with any sort of grammar.

After having five days off in a row I have to go back to work tomorrow and begin my ten days in a row working stint. In the five days that I have had off I have been bored like no bodies business but I am dreading having to go back to work tomorrow. Why is that? I hate it when I am tired of time off but don't really want to go back to work either. It really is a sickening experience. The way our schedules have worked out Kirstin and I have not had the same days off. I really am disappointed with how that works out. But I guess that is what needs to be done to pay the bills.

Speaking of jobs Kirstin applied for a first shift job at her current facility. We really hope that she gets it. It would be so much better for her health and for us to be able to spend more time together. At this point all we can do is pray about it. My jobs situation is kind of up in the air. I am starting monday at a new organization for another PRN position. Unfortunately I am not full time at either of them and I really am unsure of my hours. I am glad to have job opportunities in my field which I was not getting at all for the longest time. I will just keep waiting to for that full time position. It will come eventually.

My car has been broken for the past few days, which is no fun at all. I went to replace my starter...but the new starter is not lining up properly. So we will see how all that plays out. Infact, I think I am going to go work on that right now. Today is perfect out side and I need to take advantage of it. Plus I really don't feel this blog. Which leads to boring reading

"Chicks, Ducks, & Bunnies"

Easter is coming up this weekend and it has come quick. I have been thinking about Easter the past day or two and what it means. Superficially some thoughts have included the idea of Spring and all that comes with Spring. Things like flowers, warmer weather, bright sunny days with a cool breeze, longer day time hours, color coming back to the trees and vegetation. Also, other things have come to mind like the idea of new life. Spring is a time when the animals have babies and eggs are being hatched. Spring seems so fresh and new opportunity appear to be more abundant. Spring brings hope. I am not sure what about Spring that brings hope, but it almost seems as those it is in the air. I had the door open the other day and let the air come into our home. It was refreshing and it brought a new atmosphere to our house...Hope. It is interesting that God has guided us to celebrate Easter in the Spring. I don't know how it all came about or why we do it in Spring or even if it chronologically lines up with the actual resurrection of Jesus, but I do know as Spring brings new life, so does Jesus. In fact, that is exactly what Jesus did for us, to those who trust in His name and confess with our lips that Christ is God, He gave us a brand new life. The bible teaches us that the old is gone and the new has come. "You used to walk in these ways in the life you once lived" Did you get that? The life you ONCE lived signifying that there must have been a change. You now operate in a NEW way. That new way is a new life through Jesus. Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth, and the LIFE. No one comes to the Father except through me". So this weekend we celebrate the actual event where Jesus physically made it possible for us to come to GOD. Do you hear that? Jesus paid a very real, historically accurate, physical death, burial, and Resurrection that made it possible for you and I to come to the Father, our Creator. So...Easter, really celebrates the one event that sets Christianity apart from all other religions; the Resurrection, the conquering of sin and death, the triumph of life over death, and the Hope. Do you have Hope this Easter? My resolution for this Easter? Finding my Hope in the Resurrection of Jesus, and re-discovering my New Life, as I have so flippantly let it go to the way side.

Does anyone know what I got my title from? I know Kirstin will know.

Torn Iris

Today is a gloomy day.  The clouds are covering the sky and it is cold and damp.  Oh well.  Once again it has been awhile since my last blog and there has been alot going on in my life since.  I will try not to write such a long blog.  As for last time I did not get many comments, prolly because people were tired of reading it before they finished.  Just in case you don't know, I LOVE comments on my blogs, if there is one way that I am loved it is by words and people responding to what I have to say.  Just a side note to encourage ya'll to leave comments!  Haha.

Last week our cat and dog were messing around and the cat somehow scratch or bit the dogs eye.  He ended up needing to get emergency eye surgery.  Lucky for us there is only one vet qualified in the state of KY and she practices in Louisville.  Anyways, it cost alot of money and all I get out of is a dog with a cone on his head that has been puking all over the place.  As well as laying down a "log" or two.  Makes me wish we didn't have the dog.  I do love that darn dog, but I am a little frustrated right now with the situation if you can't tell.

In less than two weeks we will be heading back up to MI for a friends wedding.  I can't wait to see all my old friends again!  What a time it will be. 

Just wanted to also write a blip about our friends blog, she has all these pictures and nice writing in her blog...I was very impressed.  Don't expect such great things out of me. haha

Last weekend we also joined a church for the first time for both of us.  It has been a blessing to go through the process and the people have been so kind to us.  We do look forward to serving in what ever ministry God has for us.  

Speaking of serving in a church, Kirstin and I both took a spirtual gifts inventory.  It was interesting to say the least.  According to the inventory my gifts are: Giving, Serving, Shepharding, Hospitality, Leading, and Discernment.  Those of you who know me, what do you think?  Does that match what you know about me?  Part of me was hoping for one of those gifts that everybody sees and knows about like prayer or preaching or something, but that is not the case.  God knows I prolly would not handle all the attention very well so He gave me more behind the scene gifts.  Really though, I am happy for such gifts if they are true of me.  We wanted to get a little direction before we starting serving in the church.  We will see how it all works out.

Anyways, I will end this for now.  I don't want to make another really long blog.

A BRAND NEW BLOG!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

ok, ok, ok...so it has been awhile since my last post.  Actually it has been over a month.  My brother Josh even told me to update my blog!  That means I really need to update when He tells me to.  Anyways, this will be an attempt at filling you in on what has been going on in Kirstin's and I's lives as well as maybe some spiritual in site as to what has been going on in my own heart.

ok, where to start?  First I will start with what I have found out with my job situation.  It has been a long process and I have been waiting on the Lord for quite awhile for this, but I was finally offered a job at Jewish Hospital Medical Center South.  It is kirstins sister facility and it a great place get back into x-ray again.  The job is a PRN job, which means that I will only be working there on an "as needed" basis.  Although I would love to find a job full time job, I am so happy and thankful for the Lords provision for this job.  The manager is a hard working, expects alot type of lady and I am always please to work for such people as it pushes me to work hard!  I have not started that job yet.  I go through orientation Feb 4th & 5th.  In the mean time, I am still working and will continue to work for Gardner Denver as the Inventory Coordinator for their facility.  It is a new position for their campus and I was recently promoted(I applied for it) to this position.  I have been honest with them with the other job situation and they have been very kind to me and still gave me this new position not knowing whether or not I will stay or go.  The job it very interesting to say the least and I am learning things from a practical stan point that I learned educationally in school.  It is a very very entrey level management type job.  I do not have authority over anyone, but I am definitely learning skills that a manager would perform.

Let me share next something about kirstin.  Last monday she went in for "emergency" surgery on two of her wisdom teeth.  The days proceeding the extraction were quite painful for her and we found out on Sat. when we took her to the ER that she had an infected tooth.  That is what happens when you put off getting your wisdom teeth pulled.  needless to say we actually tried to get her scheduled awhile ago but our dentist at the time was off because he was getting his own surgery done.  To make a long story short, we were able to get her to an oral surgeon and get her fixed up!  She is doing much better now and we think we might even have found a drug that will help her with her migraines which is a blessing because all the medicines thus far have not work well for her.

I am continuing with my Spinning Class.  For those who don't know what that is, it is a group indoor cycling class intended for intense work out.  I am starting to notice in my cardiovascular system, but I have yet to shed pounds.  That is ok.  My main goal is to get my vascular system back into shape and drop some cholesterol.  I am also very interested in learning more about road cycling and maybe even joining a bike club or something this summer.  We will see.  Over all i am happy to be taking the class and even though during the exercise all I want to do is get off the bike, I feel so good afterwards!  That is why I have the gumption to write this long blog!  I did my time at the gym today.  

Recently, we got kirstin's car fixed.  We had to replace all the break pads and all her struts.  Turn out to be a pretty expensive job.  But, it is worth it!  I do not want anything bad to happen to my baby while she is on the road, especially if it was because of car neglect.  So while it was painful to see all that money go out the door...I am very glad to have gotten her car fixed!  Money well spent as far as I am concerned.  Funny story that goes along with getting her car fixed.  We went to go pay for the services and it turns out that our Debt cards have spending maximums.  haha.  That very same-day we just ordered new checks so we were out of checks to write and we no longer use credit cards.  Needless to say we did not get the car back that day.  The next day we were going through all our old files that we have gathered since we have been married and re-organized our filing cabinet.  Filtered out the old stuff to be put into longerterm storage and kept all the current stuff in the filing cabitnet.  Anyways, I happened to find one single check from an old check book that we must have skipped over and so we were able to go pay for the car.  Well, I finailly get there and pay for the car and I go to get it home and the battery is dead.  Haha.  We now have the car home and it runs and everything seems to be working on it so far.  What a laugh now, but let me tell you kind of frustrating at the time.

Ok...so what have I told you thus far? Got the job stuff, got kirstin's surgery, talked about the car fixing, and also my spinning class.  where does that leave me?  Oh, ok...so kirtin and I have been trying to figure out what church we would like to commit to.  The choices have been Bethleham Baptist (nice church, more traditional, great sunday school teaching, decent pastoral teaching, worship not what we tend towards, over all a pretty basic southern baptist church) and Sojourn (larger church, no sunday school classes, younger crowd of people, urban, very missional, good teaching, worship more trendy, over all another good church) .  It has been on my heart as of late to learn what it means to be a missional christian.  To think of where I work, where I go to the gym, where I live my life just like a missionary would think of his mission field.  This leads to being friendly with the "locals", making friends with  non-christians, loving Jesus, being a little bit more culturally relevant that most churches today, and the list goes on.  Pastor Mark Driscoll has been a huge influence on me in recent months and I have really enjoyed his godly teaching and ministry at his church in seattle.  Anyways, Sojourn is a church plant from the Acts 29 ministry that Driscolls church supports and I believe started.  So, as you would imagine I have this very large desire to go to Sojourn to learn, grow, and serve with those believers.  However, we have been attending bethlehem for awhile now and have recently started to get more comfortable with the people at small group and sunday school.  We have felt that God has used that church to teach us new things each week and do believe that God is at work in the lives of the believers there and especially the small group we are apart of.  So you can imagine that it has not been an easy descion to decide upon a church.  We did decide to continue with bethlehem and believe that God has something for us at this church.  I am sad to not get plugged in at Sojourn, but I am confident that God is going to grow me and teach me where I am now.  I will wait patiently on the Lord to give me a chance to someday be apart of a church like Mars Hill(driscolls church) or Sojourn.  In the mean time, I will gladly serve were we are at and do my best to get real with the people God has placed in our life with our church.  God has been so so good to us and no matter what seems to not go our way or things that just don't seem fair, God always seems to know what is best.  

Which kind of leads me into my next topic.  God is continuing to work on my heart and breaking down the walls of legalism and religion in my heart that I have held on to for so long.  I am learning that to be a follower of Christ you need to believe in Him and obey.  That is it.  Just listen to what He is saying to me and do it.  Oh, how much He loves me and wants me to find my rest in Him.  He wants me to lay my head down on his lap, just as a child would a father.  He wants me to come to Him and find joy.  He has made me for Him, I am His bride and He longs to be with Me.  Jesus, is so much more than following all the right rules, and commands, or doing doing all the right things.  He is Jesus, my hope, my friend, my comfort, my strenght, my passion, my every longing.  I can not say that I always see Jesus this way all the time, but that is who He is showing Him self to be to me.  It has been a real up and down journey, but I do know that for the first time in a real long time, Jesus is once again increasingly re-captivating my heart.  This time, it is coming with a sense of compassion for lost souls and a feeling of desperation for those who are not only going to go to hell, but are missing out on having a love relationship with Jesus.  Please, don't be mistaken, I am still such a small child in my christian walk and although these things are true that I have spoken, I am such a large work in slow progress that I do not claim to be holy or perfect or anything of the sort.  Jesus surely has BEGUN a work in me and I do long for the day of completion but I know I am still a ways away, unless of course He brings me home sooner than expected.  

Anyways, this has been a really long Blog...I hope those who read it enjoy it.  I am going to post it for now.  I do not feel like editing it, I will do so later. So for now I guess you all had to suffer through the bad copy.  I am sorry.  I love you all.  Peace